How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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