i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
