Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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