I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
