my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dicks are not precious.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
