I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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