Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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