lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
