There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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