I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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