It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
