Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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