I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
