About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize