i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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