Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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