Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
