Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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