i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The air was thick with penises
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
