she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
