Barsexuality is the new black.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
