I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
