She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
