3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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