the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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