Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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