Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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