Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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