i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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