I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
