I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
tell me about the eggs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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