he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
