Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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