she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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