I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And then he peed in my hair
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