I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
