Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
