Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
