Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
