It was confusing and full of hummus
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
