Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
