I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
