Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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