South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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