i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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