I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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