apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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