i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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