My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
