Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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