I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
