I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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