omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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