Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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