No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
