I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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