I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
barbara walters just said penis...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
