dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
