i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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