I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
