he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
