i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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