If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
