Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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